Stepping Down
by Apapazukamori
Summary: Ran's having some trouble adjusting now that the fighting is over.


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Title: Stepping Down  
Author: Bridget  
Email: bdools@hotmail.com  
Spoilers: series, Dramatic Precious Final Stage  
Notice: little bit of angst, buddie-buddie-ness  
Teaser: Ran's having some trouble adjusting now that the fighting is over.  
Keywords: Ran, Ken, Aya, Yohji, angst  
  
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Ran Fujimiya lay on the roof of Koneko Sumu Ie, staring up at the stars. There were so many to look at, he knew that he would never get to see them all. The enormity of the universe pressed down on him, and for once, he was glad to be inconspicuous, something so small and dim compared to the billion points of light in the sky.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Ran attempted to keep a straight face at the sign of Ken's voice, but stopped trying when the slight smile made it clear that it would be allowed to spread across his lips. The brunette's shoes crunched on the gravel that covered the roof as he approached. Bright teal eyes peered down at him, searching his face. "What are you doing out here?" Ken asked, clearly surprised. "I thought you would like to be downstairs."  
  
Ran's smile faded as quickly as it had bloomed as he looked away, back up at the stars. Downstairs, Momoe and Yohji were having a welcome home party for his sister. It was something of an empty gesture, since Aya had been awake for nearly a year. Ran, Ken and Yohji had missed her initial awakening; they had been in Kyoto. After narrowly avoiding being killed by Shion, Ran's old mentor and the leader of an older generation of Weiss, the three wounded and broken assassins returned to Tokyo. They had been released from Kritiker; there was no Kritiker left to speak of. Omi had remained in Kyoto with his grandfather, his only remaining family. As long as he was happy, the others had not tried to stop him from going home.  
  
And when it was all over, they had gone home as well. As a family, dysfunctional and grounded in the oddest of terms, but a family nonetheless. It had been nearly overpowering to see his sister again, after nearly three years without her. Ran had escaped to the roof, feeling claustrophobic and somehow empty.  
  
"I needed some air." He said quietly.   
  
Ken sat down heavily beside him, cradling his ribs gingerly. "That isn't it, Ran." He said lightly. "What's really wrong?"  
  
Ran glared at Ken, irritated at the brunette's insight. Ken was calmer now, having found some kind of confidence, though Ran wouldn't attempt to call it peace. He was so different from when they had first met; no longer a loose cannon, more like a well-oiled shotgun. All of them had been changed by the last three years, when their lives had been torn apart and sloppily remade, only to be taken down again. Now that they were free, as it were, what would their lives be reconstructed into?  
  
A firm finger poked Ran repeatedly in the side. Ran batted it away, glaring half-heartedly. "What is it, Ran?"  
  
"I thought Yohji was the one who didn't know when to back off..." Ran growled.  
  
"If you spent that much time with Yohji in a tiny hospital room, you'd act like him too."  
  
"Would you like me to put you out of your misery before it gets worse?"  
  
Ken laughed softly, but none of it reached his eyes. Ran sighed, staring back up at the stars. It had been a joke, but all the same, it hadn't been. They killed so easily, bringing death to those around them, friends and foes alike. How simple had it been to shoot Shion during that last fight? Too simple. It had been reflex, a calculated maneuver brought about by the desire to live, though he couldn't say why he had wanted to. He'd looked on Shion like a murderer would, without mercy when push came to shove. Had Shion not taken his own life, Ran would have done it eventually. Blood was only another color to him now. Just another liquid to be washed off their hands and forgotten. Shion had been wrong. Ran didn't thirst for blood, none of them did. After all they'd been through, it was all too easy to wipe it away.  
  
It was too soon to tell whether or not that bothered him. The wounds were still fresh, barely healing under crisp, clean bandages. White wrappings that hid dark secrets, but no one was telling.  
  
Beside him, Ken flicked a lighter on and off absently, one of Yohji's cigarettes dangling from his fingers, unlit. Ran gently pulled it from his fingers and tossed it off of the roof. "You don't need to be *that* much like Yohji." He murmured.  
  
"I suppose not." Ken threw the lighter off the side as well. He smiled bitterly at the barely audible crack as it shattered on the pavement below. "You know, he's going to wonder what we're doing up here."  
  
Ran made a face. "It would be just like him to wonder."  
  
"And he'll assume the worst possible situation." Ken said mildly. "Busybody can't keep his nose out of everyone else's business." The acidic smile softened into a ghost of a grin as he turned to Ran, running a hand through his jagged chestnut bangs. "So, why are you avoiding your sister like she's got some kind of disease?"  
  
Ran arched an eyebrow, a sardonic expression on his face. "Who did you say the busybody was?"  
  
A genuine laugh this time, and for some reason, it made Ran feel better. Anything genuine that didn't involve pain or misery was a welcome and rare gift. They were all so good at lying. Even Ken, who would swear up and down that he hated liars. He was a hypocrite among the worst of the double-talkers, and no one could or would blame him. Why point fingers when you always wound up accusing yourself?  
  
Ran sat up and turned away from Ken, tugging at one of his eartails, since the dangling earring he'd worn for so long was conspicuously absent, back in it's rightful owner's hands. He noticed a slight trembling in his hands. "I'm afraid of her."  
  
Silence met his revelation. For some reason, the silence made Ran more upset. He turned back around, watching Ken closely. The brunette, in turn, was staring at him intently, an odd expression on his face. It was something between pity and shock, and Ran knew he didn't like it. "Stop looking at me like that." He snapped loudly, furious at the truth, that he told the truth, and that Ken would feel sorry for him after all this time. He had expected Ken to tell him he was a fool to avoid Aya when all he'd lived for over the last few years had been her, or possibly to laugh at him for being unable to deal with a petite, smiling, well-adjusted nineteen-year-old girl.   
  
How could Ken possibly understand the feelings that churned Ran's stomach every time he looked at Aya? He loved his sister and she was still the center of his universe, but he was no longer at the center of hers. He wasn't needed, she had done fine without him, and Ran knew of no other role to fill other than being the only thing in her life. Ken didn't know any of it, because Ran hadn't told him. And until Ken could understand it, he had no right to pity him.  
  
Ken continued to stare at him with the same expression. Ran snarled under his breath and turned his back to the younger man, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his arms on them, glowering at everything that moved. He heard the gravel shift behind him and sighed in relief.  
  
He stiffened, paralyzed, as a slender, tanned arm slid around his shoulders. Ken held him tightly for a moment, and then let go without Ran having to say a word. "Come down to the party when you feel like it, Ran." He said gently. The gravel crunched under his feet as he turned an walked away. The door to the roof creaked open and Ken paused. "Or I'll come and get you when it's over."  
  
The door swung shut and Ran was alone on the rooftop again. He smiled a little to himself, the pressure from the unexpected hug tingling on his shoulders as he lay back down and looked up at the billions of twinkling stars and wondered what it would be like to see the universe from the outside.  
  
~o-wa-ri~ 


End file.
